Forever
by aruslym
Summary: [reupload] "I couldn't free his veins of the poison he had become addicted to."


**Title:** Forever  
**Paring:** MelloxNear, onesided MattxMello  
**Summary:** (Matt's POV) "I couldn't free his veins of the poison he had become addicted to."  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note OR DnD : Poisoned, which is property of Akane.  
**Author's Notes:** This is a reupload! I wrote this fic around ten or so years ago, so the quality is certainly different from my recent writings.  
(**Warning: **Spoilers for the DnD : Poisoned fangame ending 'Forever', angst, suicide, and bad themes.)

–

From the moment they were paired for the project, I knew it would happen. I knew that Mello would go insane, and I knew that he would commit suicide. I wasn't that stupid, thanks.

But I did nothing to stop it. What kind of best friend was I not to even protect the one I cared most about?

I tried, though, that's the honest truth. I gave myself to him to help ease his frustration, but I knew that the façade wouldn't last long. Night and day - I couldn't protect him forever like I wanted to.

I couldn't save him from himself.

And that's precisely why I blame myself. Because I couldn't cure him.

I couldn't free his veins of the poison he had become addicted to.

The moment he told me what had happened with Near, I knew I had to help; Mello wouldn't survive alone, he was too emotionally unstable.

…that's right, Mello was bipolar. It wasn't an obvious development, but I knew just from the way he acted; one minute he would be as high as a kite, and the next he was on the brink of suicide.

Most of the time it was because of Near.

But sometimes I wondered if it was also because of me, because I wasn't as good a friend as I should have been. When he found me alone, smoking a cigarette and not really caring about my future, I knew he wanted to kill me.

That had been after the project, after I had willingly given him everything I could.

I even gave him my virginity.

I couldn't very well call myself his best friend if I hadn't, now could I? I didn't honestly expect him to take my offer, but he had and I wasn't about to let him down. He needed me for his sanity.

And like the loyal dog I am, I was happy to be needed. Even if it meant I had to degrade myself for his sake. I didn't mind being used in that way; as I said, I was goad to be wanted.

Everything went smoothly at first, I could easily tell when he needed a break from his life just by the way he spoke and acted during class, then at night I would sneak into his bedroom, always sure that no one followed me, and locked the door. There were no words, just heated pants and groans, a small whimper or two from my part, and he would be done. Sex never took too long, Mello wasn't a procrastinator, and he never worried about my well being during the process. I didn't want him to.

Though I wished sometimes that I could block out the thoughts in his head, because deep down I know it was not me he wanted, but Near instead.

Near was his addiction, his poison.

Just like cigarettes and Mello was mine.

The day it happened… I'm… not too sure what to think. I suppose you could say that I wasn't expecting it to go that far, but in a way I had. I just didn't know it would be that soon, before he even reached fifteen.

It's sad, really.

I heard the glass shatter from my own room, but I paid it no mind. It could have very well been the boys playing baseball for all I knew. But minutes later, when the teachers went through the corridors and made sure we were all safely in our rooms, I knew what had happened. I didn't truly believe it at first, but I knew what Mello had done.

The paramedics arriving were just added acid to injury.

I remember looking out the window (I was lucky to have a room toward the front of the orphanage), eyes wide with childish curiosity and fear, and tears running down my face when I saw the two body bags.

And that made me sadder.

Because Mello wanted to be with Near forever, and yet those bastards had taken them apart.

A synthesis reaction turned decomposition. Was this what Rodger had wanted?

The funeral had been monotone, as all funerals were. I managed to steal a glance at the damage Mello had done before they buried them both six feet under. I saw the cuts, bloodstains, pale skin, and slit throats. But more importantly, I saw how peaceful they both looked.

I think L was there too, but I couldn't tell. I was too busy fighting back tears. If he was there, I knew he saw what I did, and more. L was a genius, after all. I'm sure that somewhere in his mind he must have calculated the possibilities of this happening.

With Near and Mello gone, I became number one, but I didn't become L's successor. I turned it down. In truth, the idea made me sick to my stomach. I left Whammy's House at fifteen to live in the States, but I never forgot what had happened.

It became a permanent imprint on my mind.

But I should be happy, shouldn't I? Mello finally got what he wanted, to not have to worry about proving himself to the world, to not have to agonize over being number one, to not have to fear his own emotions…

…and to ultimately be with Near forever.


End file.
